"died-ed"

both dan & his phone have died-ed on me.... (dan's probably fallen asleep and his phone's low-batt warning was beeping n beeping when i left his place..)


today was Fun-O-Rama and dan was so very busy and tired. by the time i got to him at 8ish in the evening, he was tired. but he somehow managed to hold it all together to spend some time with me. :)

we got him dinner, then home for a much-needed bath (after a day of barbequeing). talked out all the busi-ness that's been going on. It felt good to have a nice, relaxing and deep conversation. Seems like forever since we've had a quiet moment to ourselves to do absolutely nothing but just look and talk to each other. It's times like this, that i realize I've not fuly appreciated our 27 days in europe together. I guess back then, the relationship didn't quite 'start' - as in there was still the exhilaration of the trip n etc to deal with - and there were too many feelings to juggle around.

back in little Singapore, personal time and communication comes to a halt. most times u spend with a loved one entails food and discussion about schedules, activities. I find we talk too little about our feelings - and how important that is, really.

As much as we try not to let our hearts rule our head, how we feel is of great importance to each other. n if it's that important, how can we not talk about it? all the more feelings should be shared. the listener should take in the words, and try to understand what led to the feelings. more often than not, we do not realize how the supposedly insignificant things we say/do affect the other - with no intention at all mostly. and if it was a 'good' effect, we feel special and touched. if it was 'bad', we get hurt, we feel dejected/rejected etc and start throwing out "how could you...."s.

I'm thankful to meet such a special guy, who's always ready to listen - and in fact encourages me to share. For many years now, I've grown from someone who tells everything, to a person who's inclined to chuck everything into a corner till it eats so much into me i wanna cry. I think I've lost that part of me but dan's brought this back. I'm happy to kinda be in touch with myself again, with help of course.

And somehow, this kinda syncs with what i've been trying to do for the past few years since I've joined RCIA, gotten baptised, confirmed, and started service in church. I've tried to be more aware of what i say/do and it's impact on others. Dan's been my pillar of strength spiritually, emotionally and sometimes physically (when i get tired). I dunno if he knows this, but he's become so important to me sometimes i'm afraid i'm growing over-reliant. Just where do we draw the line? *scratch head*

it's times like this, i find it ridiculous i should feel moppy or moody. silly me.